Dear Gabriel

My job as a special needs teacher aide often requires me to work alongside children with autism. I have frequently worked with autistic children whilst on placement as well. Here are some of my thoughts.

Autism is horrible word. It is one of those words that is surrounded by quite a lot of fear. Ignorance is partly responsible for this fear, and you could certainly place me in this category. Even though autism would have to be one of my least favourite things, it is also something that I am hoping to know a lot more about by the time that I have finished my degree. At the moment I am reading a book called "Dear Gabriel". This book is a letter written by a father to his son; a little boy who has autism. The author is a great writer; very descriptive and it is clearly a heartfelt memoir. So far it has toyed with my emotions a little bit because I can only imagine how difficult it would be to parent a child with autism. One of the joys of children (and there are many) is the 'closeness' that you can have with them. Countless hugs and cuddles, hearing the words "I love you", a little hand holding onto yours - all of these things make me smile and fill my heart with so much joy. If I was unable to share this kind of closeness with my own child, and if my child didn't understand the extent of the love that I have for them; I would be shattered. That said, if a child has autism it doesn't necessarily mean that they will live a detached existence. I worked with a little boy in grade one who has autism at the beginning of the year, and he would constantly hold my hand and want to sit on my lap during class. I have the utmost respect for parents who have children with autism and who love them abundantly. There are many parents like this, and it is amazing to see how a parent's love can see beyond something as emotionally crippling as autism.

I have spent time with a number of autistic children, through various pracs and work. These beautiful children, along with the little boy in this book, have shown me that autism can manifest itself in so many different ways. No child is the same, even though they may display some similarities in behaviour. An inability to decipher social situations is a fairly well-known characteristic of autistic children. Although again, this can take many forms. The author of "Dear Gabriel" writes about his son's fixation with routine, lack of interpersonal skills and a tendency to interpret everything that is said literally. Every autistic child that I have spent time with has struggled with relating to others socially to some degree. I was in a classroom that has 3 boys with autism this year. Two of the boys, aged 9, were playing with leggo on the carpet. I sat down beside the boys and began to talk with them about what they were doing, making an effort to sound super interested. After about 30 seconds one of the boys turned to me, looking completely exasperated, and said "Do you really have to sit there watching us all the time?!". On a separate occasion I was on playground duty watching a few of the boys who had been fighting that week (a couple of them had autism). Before I knew it a few of the boys had surrounded one of the boys with autism and were pushing him around and hitting him. So I put on my cranky teacher's voice (it needs work) and marched over to the boys, broke up the fight and told the boys how disappointed I was (discipline also needs work - as if they would care if I was disappointed). After my feeble attempt at being firm, I went over to the little boy with autism to see if he was ok. He wasn't ok. He was completely tormented and frustrated and did not want anything to do with me. This little boy, with clenched fists and on the brink of tears, was so distraught that he could not speak a word, all he could do was let out a heartbreaking scream every now and then. My attempts to try and comfort him seemed to aggravate him further. I have never seen a little boy's eyes so full of anger, fear and utter frustration simultaneously. He ended up running off, which was hard but I knew that I couldn't chase him.

Even though these are clear examples of children with autism who struggle in social situations, there are exceptions. Another boy with autism who I have spent time with, aged 9, has trouble relating to his peers, yet was completely comfortable in talking to me about some pretty serious things. In fact he even spoke to me about his autism. It was heartbreaking to hear this boy talk about how he was struggling and falling behind the other children. Although I think the most difficult thing to hear was how resigned this boy was to the fact that he is 'different'. It is good that he wasn't in denial, but it is never nice to hear a child express a feeling of inadequacy and show that they have no expectations of their ability to overcome this. It was helpful to talk to this boy about the gifts and talents that he does have, and he certainly has many, although such encouragement is often temporary.

"Dear Gabriel" documents something that I'm sure every parent can relate to - the desire to nurture and love the precious gift that is children. Autism has certainly proven to be an obstacle to this. Although how wonderful it is to see in the lives of countless families that love prevails.